On the onion.com, I found an article about a study done with tree branches. It wasn't done to study the molecular structure, or its effects on soil or some normal study like that. Before I explain the purpose, if there even is one, I think I’ll just tell what they did in the study. They hired four hundred people to participate. First, they walked through a disgusting spider web, and while trying to untangle from the mess, an assistant standing nearby smacks them with the tree branch. They then determine whether it hurts.
…Um ok? Is this study archaic to anyone else?
What in the world would persuade someone to think of doing a study like this? I feel like the leading scientist got smacked in the face by a tree branch and wanted everyone else to feel his pain and thought a scientific study would make his revenge feel more legitimate. This would also keep him from getting sued. Maybe.
Apparently, this study turned up “ground breaking evidence!” It was more like “nose-breaking evidence.” They concluded that if someone gets smacked in the face by a tree branch it will hurt, but only initially. After a few minutes, the pain will go away and the only thing left over will be the red mark smack dab in the middle of your face. Hard hitting evidence right? Well these scientists seem to think so! They say “the implications of the study could be far-reaching, having a major impact on future research in the field of getting smacked with a variety of stupid goddamn things in various anatomical areas and its relationship to whether one is more-or-less fine after a minute or two.” Now, I really cannot tell if this is a serious study or if it is just archaic because it was posted on the onion. I think that it was probably an actual study for a stupid purpose. What I really can’t figure out though is who would actually volunteer to be smacked in the face… (341)
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